What This Is
So then why do I seem to
need to?
This is a collection of my various independent writing that I've actually managed to save.
Most of what I write never actually makes it to a text document, so it's lost to the sands
of time.
I'd like to write more, but most of my writing can be found in other projects, actually.
So I'm not usually writing standalone pieces.
Anyway, hopefully you like them.
Poems
Poems/song lyrics written at various times.
The Flood
God sent a flood to kill all the sinners
While Ronald Reagan sat around
eating all our dinners
And God sent a plague
to kill all the gays
And who was Ron to oppose
One of America's greatest heroes?
God changed his mind on all those who died
and sent a glitzy promise that the end is nigh
And we lavished in hospital beds
while the president sat on his hands
and we bled
and we flew our glitzy flags high
God changed his mind again and said he'd relent
if we said that we're sinners and that we'd repent
Fags, dykes, and trannies, be welcome in heaven
If women stop loving women and men stop loving men
Two by two we'd walk in the ark
Animals just as the rest of all your hearts
David
Where did you go
And will you be long
Weary or weak
I know you'll be strong
You'll never know
Right between wrong
That'll take
Eons
Weary or not
That'll take
Eons
A wolf in the flock
That'll take
Eons
Whose tail has been docked
Sometimes I wonder
If you'll take a glance
At how your actions
affect others, by chance
Whether you'll need me
Proximity, happenstance
Whether you'll wonder
Whether or wonder
Whether or wonder
I know that you'll never
hurry
Screaming to skies
that no one will hear
I know that you'll always
worry
Universes untold
A thing we should fear
I know that you don't
mean to be mean
If you ever need me
I'll be here for you
on to lean
Eons
Eons
Eons
Non-fiction
As we continually drag ourselves forward into the age of the internet,
I began to feel very hollow with how our digital selves
are no longer able to be expressed just so.
That's part of why I made this website, to leave my mark on the Net.
Put my flag in the ground, just announce "I was here, I existed".
I think there's worth in leaving something behind that tries (and fails)
to express the full depth of my experiences on this pale blue dot.
Sometime, I'll be gone. That little dot next to my icon will never turn green again.
Last Online 756 Days Ago
But people will still have this camera obscura of who I was.
Romantic Vignettes
Things I or my partner(s) have said to or about each other,
that I wanted to be remembered forever.
--
You are part of the world.
The world was worth saving,
because it had you in it.
I would hold up the sky,
if you were in the world below.
I cared because it was part of you.
~
when I give myself permission to cry,
and to seek comfort from him,
it gives him equal permission to be vulnerable and give comfort.
something he seldom got to before us.
and I think I'm realizing I'm not taking from him when I cry
in front of him, or need to be held or am hurting.
he wants to be there for me. and he wants to comfort me.
it's not an emotional toll- a negative added to a positive-
it's fulfilling and mutual.
and I'm glad I'm understanding that.
I feel like, in a way, its helping me accept I'm not wrong for hurting.
and I'm glad I understand. that I understand him.
Him. I love him so much.
~
I never realized how much being dissociated from my own body
made
his body not.. feel real.
But, how can you feel, entirely, if your hands are like a ghost's?
~
The feeling of his body, my body feeling his body. Looking into his face.
Him looking back at me.
It brought an immense feeling of safety and warmth and contentedness.
Feeling the vibrations in my chest echo through his flesh as I hummed different songs.
Trying to find one that sat comfortably in my vocal chords.
The more in-tune I became with his body,
the more I was overcome with an intense feeling to make our flesh one.
To press our bodies as close together as possible.
~
he bunkered down underneath a tree and looked at me expectantly,
so I slumped down next to him of course.
from between the branches... there's stars and stars.
it was utterly cloudless, except for the fog our breath was making.
despite the cold, I felt the warmest I'd ever had in my chest.
and the view of the stars paled to the person sitting next to me...
we talked, a little, after a long time of just looking and breathing.
why we chose each other, why we stayed, why we loved one another.
and behind those words it felt like we were totally in sync.
I could feel all the things he couldn't put into words, and he could feel mine,
and it spiraled. outward, warmly.
and then we walked back.
and we slept, warmly.
~
I blinked, looking at them completely undisturbed by anything else.
Breathing quietly.
"I could stay like this forever."
"My knees are starting to hurt, so I don't think really think I can myself."
Misc
Things I struggle to categorize.
Men's Hockey Real Person Fic Statistics
Preface: I collated this data the first time I took my ADHD medication, Adderall.
God only knows, I decided to choose which hockey team I wanted to follow somehow
based upon the shipping statistics of Men's NHL Real Person Fic (RPF).
While I enjoy it as a weird thing I did, I am not actually interested in Men's NHL RPF.
So, I consider it as performance art, more than anything.
Data was collected in January of 2023.
(I chose to watch The Bruins, by the way.)
--
BASED UPON AO3 POPULARITY (M/M MEN'S HOCKEY RPF, NO CROSSOVERS; APPROX. 11,000 FICS)
#1
Sidney Patrick Crosby is a Canadian professional ice hockey centre and captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins of the National Hockey League
#2
Jonathan Bryan Toews is a Canadian professional ice hockey centre and captain of the Chicago Blackhawks of the National Hockey League
#3
Patrick Timothy Kane II is an American professional ice hockey right winger and alternate captain for the Chicago Blackhawks of the National Hockey League
#4
Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin is a Russian professional ice hockey centre and alternate captain for the Pittsburgh Penguins of the National Hockey League
#5
Tyler Paul Seguin is a Canadian professional ice hockey centre and alternate captain for the Dallas Stars of the National Hockey League
#6
Mitchell Marner is a Canadian professional ice hockey right winger and alternate captain for the Toronto Maple Leafs of the National Hockey League
#7
Jamie Randolph Benn is a Canadian professional ice hockey winger and captain of the Dallas Stars of the National Hockey League
#8
Auston Taylour Matthews is an American professional ice hockey center and alternate captain for the Toronto Maple Leafs of the National Hockey League
#9
Alexander Mikhailovich Ovechkin is a Russian professional ice hockey left winger and captain of the Washington Capitals of the National Hockey League
#10
Patrick Sharp is a Canadian former professional ice hockey player... in the National Hockey League for the Philadelphia Flyers, Chicago Blackhawks and Dallas Stars (RETIRED)
#11
Marc-André Fleury is a Canadian professional ice hockey goaltender for the Minnesota Wild of the National Hockey League
BASED UPON A03 POPULARIY (M/M MEN'S HOCKEY RPF, NO CROSSOVERS)
#1 Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews (1654)
#2 Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin (1521)
#3 Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin (704)
#4 Mitch Marner/Auston Matthews (438)
#5 Nicklas Backstrom/Alexander Ovechkin (244)
STATISTICS
Teams, with Multiple Patrick Sharps
Blackhawks 3/10
Stars 3/10
Penguins 2/10
Maple Leafs 2/10
Capitals 1/10
Flyers 1/10
Teams, with Final Patrick
Blackhawks 3/10
Stars 2/10
Penguins 2/10
Leafs 2/10
Capitals 1/10
Teams, sans Patrick (Fleury added)
Blackhawks 2/10
Stars 2/10
Penguins 2/10
Leafs 2/10
Capitals 1/10
Wilds 1/10
Teams, sans Patrick II, for some reason
Stars 3/10
Blackhawks 2/10
Penguins 2/10
Maple Leafs 2/10
Capitals 1/10
Flyers 1/10
Nationalities
Candaians 6/10, Russians 2/10, Americans 2/10
1 Canada 8857
2 United States 5395
3 Sweden 2189
4 Russia 1067
Total number of players in the top 4 NHL nationalities: 17,508
Captainality
Captains: 5/10
Alt. Captains 4/10 (5 incl. Sharp, Blackhawks)
Other 1/10 (Fleury)
The top 10 most popular NHL Teams (# of fans is online only)
# NHL Team Number of Fans Stanley Cups
1
Chicago Blackhawks
2,735,079 6
2
Boston Bruins
2,141,162 6
3
Pittsburgh Penguins
1,981,607 5
4
Detroit Red Wings
1,937,141 11
5
Montreal Canadiens
1,638,437 24
6
New York Rangers
1,479,947 4
7
Toronto Maple Leafs
1,342,357 13
8
Philadelphia Flyers
1,142,950 2
9
Vancouver Canucks
1,002,049 0
10
L.A Kings
920,989 2
source: https://www.stadium-maps.com/facts/nhl_facebook_table.html#fbtable
CONCLUSION
The most popular players to fic ratio is not correlated to the number of Stanley Cups.
The correlation between general popularity and AO3 popularity seems hit or miss.
The Bruins, Red Wings, Rangers, Canucks and Kings do not have any players in the top 10 on A03, despite being in the top 10 most popular.
The Blackhawks are the exception- taking in to consideration multiple Patrick Sharps cannot exist at the same time-
they have the most players in the top 10 on AO3 and are also the most popular team.
The Penguins have two players and are the 3rd most popular.
THe Maple Leafs have two players and are the 7th most popular.
The Flyers are the 8th most popular and have no players, if Patrick Sharp is in his final form.
Position as a captain or alternative captain seems to give you a distinct advantage
as all top ten players on AO3 were either role at some point.
Nationality may overrepresent Russians in fic.
There were no Swedish players in the top 10,
despite there being almost twice as many Swedish players as Russian players.
This is taken out of context of teams, however, and has a low sample size for popular players.
This is not statistically noted, however on further research Olympic medalists
make up the top four most popular players on AO3,
along with 2 other players in the top ten (3 including Fleury).
Skill may be a factor in AO3 popularity.
"Sidney Crosby" is tagged in more fics than "Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin" and is, as a whole, the most popular player.
"Jonathan Towes" is the second most tagged player,
despite "Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews" being the most popular relationship tag.
"Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews" and "Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malki" and
their repsective players seem to be the focus of Men's Hockey RPF on AO3.
Both of these tags are of their respective team captain and alternative captain.
All of the top five most popular relationship tags are between team captain and alternative captain.
Three of the top ten most popular relationship tags are between (alt.) captains and non-captains.